Inspired Creativity

Home is where your story begins...

2010-11-27T22:17:00.000-08:00

So I have decided to brush off the old blog and start new...

I have moved to a new city, about 45 miles away from my hometown that I have lived in for the past 33 years... Why? Well, that's actually a good question. When I figure it out, I'll let you know. (just kidding)

Well, the former is really the reason I wanted to try something new. I have been living in the small (50,000+ persons) town since I was born and felt like I needed to try something new, meet new people and embark on a new journey... start a new chapter in my story, I guess you could say.

Things have been difficult for the past year or so for me. I am a single Christian woman who works non-stop and have, for the better part of my life, done what people expected me to do. A while back, while in one of my favorite stores, I spotted a painting... it was one of those modern art type of paintings and it had a drawing of a woman with brown hair (like me) and several different quotes... one of which is my favorite "Wear yellow shoes". Who wouldn't smile at yellow shoes??

Anyway, one of the sayings on the painting was "Surprise yourself and do the one thing you never thought you could do." That's precisely what I'm doing. Surprising? Yes. Never? No. I knew I could do it... but still surprised at myself for actually making up my mind (all by myself) and doing it.

See, in the past, I have gone to friends and family and discussed the possibility of moving and have always been swayed to stay home, be content, blah blah blah. I appreciate all of that, but this tme, decided not to tell anyone that I was seriously considering moving (except my sister). I thought it best that I make an unbiased, adult decision about this one thing, if nothing else. So, that's exactly what I did. Shocked by my discretion, most of my friends were and are pretty supportive. Some are supportive, but have this thinking in the back of their mind, "She'll change her mind... she'll come home in 6 months... she won't really go....". Well, much to their dismay, or not, I am here. I've done it. I am officially living in a new city. A big city! And I am making it work.

Now, granted, it hasn't been without its glitches and a few tears, but I am happy to say that I am happy. Mostly happy. Ok, so I'm here and hanging on by a thread... no, I'm kidding. I am happy about the move. I think I must've had this imagery in my head that I was going to move to the big city and immediately have friends, parties, nights out after work for dinner, so on and so on... and now I am realizing that I didn't have the friends I had in my previous town overnight... it took time to cultivate those friendships, learn to trust one another, and eventually become a part of something. I am somewhat saddened by this revelation. I think I thought I could, sort of, snap my fingers and Presto!, instant friendships. Not so much.

I am happy to report that my cousin sent an invite for me to come to her house this coming Wednesday night for a Girl's Night... I am thrilled to go and meet new people and see her, since we haven't seen each other in a while. And I have another friend from high school that wants to get together in a few weeks to hang out.

Really, it is going to take time... and I knew this. I just really thought, for a nano-second that I could come here and immediately have a circle of friends to just hang with anytime I want. Now, I have to actually plan ahead and have friends drive here or me drive back home, which completely defeats the purpose of me moving here....

I know it will all work out as it should. I know that God is going to take care of me and provide for me here. I know that my family hasn't reacted much to me moving and they will realize it, eventually, that I am not in town anymore... and maybe, just maybe they will come see me. Time will tell.

Until then and until I get this circle of friends thing down pat, I am here and enjoying my new place. Let the fun begin!

New Beginnings, New Decade, New Companion...

2010-01-18T15:17:00.000-08:00

Hello blog world... I am a bad, bad blogger... but I have a really good excuse! :)

Meet Paris... her AKC name is "Whimsical Nights in Paris". She is my newest adventure, companion, insanity, member of the family... that's right... family. I have my own little family now. :) It's not just me anymore!

Now, when people's say "Kelley", they say "Kelley & Paris"... which sometimes can be misconstrued as "Kelley in Paris" which is totally cool with me... because I dream of being in Paris, which is how her name came to be... hehe... well, that's an interesting story anyway....

Paris is an English Springer Spaniel. So why "Paris"? you may ask. Well, those who know me well and have ever visited my home know that I have an affinity for the City of Paris and the Eiffel Tower. I absolutely love anything that has the Eiffel Tower on it or in it... movies, books, you name it. Moulin Rouge is one of my favorite movies... it embodies the mystery, wonder and magic of the City... anyway, I digress.

So, when I decided to get this little bundle of energy and hyperactivity, I decided that I wanted to call her Paris. Then it hit me... "Like Paris Hilton?" That was the #1 question I would and did hear and continue to hear... so I started thinking of other names... I also heard the question "Paris for an English breed dog??" Well, I came up with a list of names... narrowed it down to Fiona (loved that one), Whimsy (because I bought her on a whim) and London. None of them fit her personality when I brought her home. None of them made me feel like she was mine... I took her to my mom's house and we ran through the list of puppy names on the internet all over again... I became overstimulated and just finally screamed out "Her name is PARIS!" (similar to "STOP THE INSANITY!") So I decided her AKC name should rightly be "Whimsical Nights in Paris" since I bought her on a whim and I love to see the night lights of Paris in the pictures ....... so romantic....

Now, about this new little bundle of fiestiness and ball of fury running around my house.... (actually she's resting in her crate right now).... have you ever seen the Odd Couple? Jack Lemmon & Walter Mathau... polar opposites? heh... me, lazy, lethargic, sit on the computer most of the time (working), probably should've gotten a Basset Hound or English Bulldog? (yeah, I'm asking myself why, too)... Paris: high energy, wide open, on the go, runs back and forth, loud, fiesty, full of energy, runs circles around me, did I mention high energy?? WHAT WAS I THINKING????????

BUT, I have determined that God loves to test us in these rash decisions. He likes to see us squirm a little. I think this is my kick-in-the-butt from the Father above. I have been going to bed at a decent hour, been getting up early every morning, have started walking Paris in the mornings, have come home for lunch every day (instead of going out to lunch every day), have been coming home at a decent hour (because her bladder will not wait!) and lather, rinse & repeat each day. :) It's miraculous. Who knew (He did, obviously) that this little ball of black & white fur would kick my butt into shape??

Be right back, potty break. Let me clarify that was for the puppy, not me.

Sooooo, this little stubborn, strong willed puppy came into my life on New Year's Day... born on Oct 25, 2009. She will grow to be about 35-40 lbs. and will continue to be FULL of energy.... YIKES!!! I am working on training her based on Cesar Millan's Way... www.cesarsway.com She has become immune to the *snap* "psssht"... imagine that. She is biting like crazy, since she is teething, so I replace my hand or feet with a toy or redirect her attention... I try really hard to not get frustrated, but danggit... her teeth are razor sharp! She has learned to claw her way into my chair... not cool at all, so I have to break her of that. She barks at me when she doesn't get her way... definitely a back-talker... I am not liking that at all! I almost bust out laughing when she does it because it is so much like a 2 year old. She is growing and she is so darn smart!! She goes to the door when she thinks she has to go potty, but before I can get there, she has moved on to the kitchen or other area of the house to do it while I get her leash and my shoes on... thanks for that!

She has been a joy to be around and learning her ways and figuring out her schedule has been challenging to say the least... but I know it will be worth it in the long run. She is my companion and is quickly becoming my best friend... something I have needed for a long time. So I am excited to see where this journey will take us!!

Kelley & Paris

Vacation Week

2009-11-25T11:34:00.001-08:00

So far, I have had a pretty good vacation week... I have sloooooowly but surely gotten my Christmas decorations up... well, almost all of them. I have not yet pulled out my Christmas dishes (my mom gave them to me a couple of years ago) and have not put the Christmas flags out... I live on a street that is lined with townhouses and I only change the flags at the appropriate time. My neighbors are funny about their seasons (most of them are older). So, I have a wreath on my door, Christmas tree plugged in on the front porch and I am respecting them by not having any flags out until it is just the right time. ;)

As I said, Saturday I took my nephew to the Children's Museum downtown for a birthday party. He had a great time and I got to take some pictures of him while he was there.

We then came back and he helped me decorate my Christmas tree... so much fun!

He liked to put ornaments on the same branch...

Sunday, my sister and I cleaned some things out of the attic at my dad's house. I found some interesting stuff... a few sketches & drawings I had done during my teenage years... I didn't realize how detailed I was!!!

I also wanted to post a picture of the aforementioned Teal taffeta dress... however very wrinkled.... but will have to do that later... running behind now!!

I noticed while decorating for Christmas this year I have a strange mix of things from my parents' homes (hand-me-downs) and things that I have purchased since I have been in this house for 3 years. These things don't match. My color scheme is very retro and bright... teals, pinks, lime greens, RED.... not the old hunter green, navy blue, burghandy look from my hand-me-down items. So, I decided to paint... I wonder if I have a before picture... but I painted these from the darker, country colors so they would match the brighter, more primary colors I have on the mantle. :)

My retro colors... I found this ball at the beach this past summer... I LOVE it!!

So then Sunday afternoon, Monday and most of Tuesday, I did nothing but REST. I haven't been feeling great and needed it. I'm feeling much better today, so I'm thrilled to be out & about. My sister called & wanted me to go with her to the mall to have the kids' Thanksgiving pictures taken as well as go see Santa Claus... well, none of that worked out. The kids were in a "mood" and didn't want to cooperate with the photographer... I guess you walk straight in and sit in front of this huge camera with all of these strange people trying to get you to smile... disaster in the making. I was close to singing the VeggieTales theme song... thank heavens mommy & daddy decided enough was enough and it was time to leave. Because my nephew acted up so badly and his pixie sister followed suit, they didn't get to see Santa. There was pouting... at least 3 minutes of it. Then all was well. They decided that it would be better to come back to Aunt "Khaki's" house and let her take pictures, since they were all dressed up with no where to go. So, I proceeded to have a small photo session. We hung a backdrop (albeit wrikled), set up some fall foliage and proceeded to take pictures. They sat down, smiled & said "CHEESE" almost immediately... the comfort of a familiar place, I guess.

I'll be waiting to post those pictures since mommy wants to give them out to the family for Thanskgiving. ;) But I think for an impromptu photo shoot, they turned out pretty darn cute if I say so myself.
So now, I am about to go to my dad's house... we are having "Thanksgiving" dinner there tonight. The reason for the "" is because since everyone has so much turkey all week, they decided not to cook "Thanksgiving" food. Guess what... my mom decided the same thing for tomorrow. Her husband is out of town and my sis & bro-in-law have turkey & the fixins before they come to mom's. Well... that means I get no turkey. I typically don't fret over that, since I am not crazy about the whole turkey, dressing/stuffing, eat until you can't breathe and have to unbutton your pants... No thank you. However, I must admit, I was slightly disappointed when I found out that I would not even get my dad's famous cajun fried turkey this year... :(

So he called me yesterday and said he was going to deep fry a turkey breast, cajun style for me to have turkey to make sandwiches this week. :) Thanks, Dad!!

Mom and I will commence the sewing tomorrow... the one day of the year that we do most of our sewing... I have no idea what I will work on, except for Christmas gifts. I do have some curtains to sew... Lord willing and the creek don't rise.

Well, off to my dad's for "Thanksgiving" pizza... oh and the deep fried turkey breast. ;)

Happy Thanksgiving!! Will try to post tomorrow! (I'm getting the hang of this mini keyboard)

My Christmas List

2009-11-24T19:17:00.001-08:00

So, I have been asked several times what I want for Christmas...
I hate doing this... but they'll keep asking. So, here it is!
Embellishment Center (Making Memories)

Saw this at Michael's today for $79.99, but found it on Amazon tonight for $55.99! Does not come with the jars, but they are available as well. Trust me, I have plenty of things to put on the shelf... desperately need to organize!!

The Proposal (DVD)
This is probably one of the funniest movies I have seen in a loooooong time. I laughed so hard when I saw this in the theater. One of my favorites!

Catching Fireflies by Patsy Clairmont

Let Go by Sheila Walsh

What to Do When the Roof Caves In by Marilyn Meberg

Saddle stitch fashion boot

Brighton Charm
I have the necklace already, but LOVE this pendant!!

Wow... Long Time??

2009-11-24T18:03:00.000-08:00

So, I am a bad blogger... forgive me... I have no excuse. Well, I do, but I won't get into that. I am a busy young woman with a full-time job, a part-time job and not enough time to do what I want to do because I am completly and udderly held captive by my job. Yeah, I know... I have full control over that...

Let me just give you an idea of how bad it is... This is the first vacation I have had since July 4th... that being the only 5 days I have taken off THIS YEAR. I have this entire week off... and I have left my laptop in the bag, sitting by the front door, since the moment I walked in. Why, you ask?? Well, if I were to pull that laptop out of it's vessel (aka: laptop bag), I could very well be working for the rest of the week. I won't even turn it on. Not even to check Facebook or work on my part-time job. No, instead... I am working on a 7" screen ... and 7" wide keyboard... (keys are extremly close together, so spelling errors are forgiven for this post!). I have resorted to my mini-laptop... the little HP Mini 1000. And it is MINI. All for the Rest, Relaxation and Recouperation that I need... and believe I deserve. I have not checked email or voicemail since Friday at 6pm. I have no idea what is going on, except for the very short conversation I had with a friend at work today, who I called for reasons related to my part-time job. As soon as she answered the phone, I said "I am not calling about work, I do not want to know about it and I am calling because I do not want to have to open my laptop and check my email for the mere fact that I doubt I will catch up on email in time for Thanksgiving dinner...". She laughed and said I wasn't missing much (which is a LIE) and then proceeded to tell me about other issues with things that aren't related to me, which was good, but wasn't a very good cover... and THEN...THEN... she tells me "Oh, there is one issue..." UGH!!! NOT LISTENING!!! I did. I listened. I should have hung up. I digress.

So, I am proud to say I have still not checked my email. Not once. I have not called voice mail. I have not been to the office. Nothing. :)

What have I done with myself? Well, that's the kicker. I am sick. I am exhausted and worn down and my body is screaming "YOU NEED THIS!!!" Yep, that's right folks... home on vacation and SICK. I went to the doctor last week and thought I had the flu... achiness, soreness... I hurt all over for two days. Was tested for flu/swine flu and it came back negative. I was given an antibiotic for an ear infection & upper respiratory junk... and now, have possibly relapsed.

I was feeling better on Saturday and took my sweet, 3-yr old nephew to a birthday party at the local children's museum. He then came home with me and we decorated my Christmas tree...
He was so funny! He picked up every ornament and said... "let's hang it here! This is a GREAT place to hang it!" or he would find one that he really liked and say "Oh, Khaki... this is beautiful!!" Where does a 3-yr old come up with that stuff?? Then, he wanted to watch Curious George... which reminds me... he has a specific movie he watches at specific family member's homes... my house, Curious George. My dad's house, A Goofy Movie. My mom's house, VeggieTales or Jo-Jo's Circus... it is so funny. I recorded other things for him to watch, but he would have nothing to do with them. He only wants to watch Curious George, which unfortunately is recorded on the DVR that is now in my bedroom. I asked him if he was cool with sitting on the bed (of course, I was thinking "nap time!"). He fell for it... got him some popcorn and Tropicana Orangeade (sugar free) and we sat on the bed until he fell asleep (so did I for a few mins). I got up, cleaned up the mess left behind when a 3-yr old comes in, moved the 5 ornaments on the same tree limb to various places on the tree and then sat down and relaxed for a few minutes.

I decided he would sleep for hours, so I scooped him up and put him in the car (it was close to dinner time) and drove over to my mom's house. He walked in and saw his mommy and she said "Did you have fun decorating Khaki's Christmas tree?"... his response was "Yes, we put up a lot of very, very, very, very breakable ornaments..." Wow... I didn't say it that many times! But at least he got the idea!

So that was a lot of fun with him and I'm glad I got some one-on-one time with him... that doesn't happen much. He was so sweet! So polite... so smart!!

So, I crashed on Sunday, after lunch at my dad's house. It was somewhat emotional because we had to get some things out of the attic and found lots of things from my teenage years that my Grandmother had given me. Including the TEAL.... TAFFETA.... Jr. Prom Dress... my poor grandmother. She put up with a lot!! I asked her to make a dress that year that looked like Marilyn Monroe's white dress from The Seven Year Itch. You know, the one that she stood over the grate and she had to hold her dress down? I loved that dress... then. Now, I look at it and it is G-A-W-D-Y. Yuck. Wow. What was I thinking???? But I remember that my grandmother had a very difficult time making that dress... Taffeta is a very hard fabric to work with... and I now can understand that it was a complete labor of love. I also found the stainless steel scissors I bought for her, specifically for the yucky teal taffeta... She loved those scissors. I remember standing on her coffee table and I remember I felt like a model... even though I look back now and it is definitely at the TOP of the "What Not to Wear... EVER" category. But it was special because we spent that time together and she made something for me that I will never, ever forget.

So, I have been resting since then... Sunday, all day yesterday and most of the day today. I have cleaned here and there and have even put a load of clothes in the washer... that reminds me, I need to get those out. But I feel horrible! I feel like someone has run over me with a Mack Truck. I'm still taking my antibiotic, but I just don't feel much better. I'm praying I am feeling better for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night at my dad's and Thanksgiving Day with my mom. I am so tired of laying around... although my body needed the rest. I have so much that I had planned to do this week! Oh well... I'm thankful that I'm off during this time so that I don't lose anytime at work.

So, be thankful for what you have... enter His courts with thanksgiving and praise. Even though I am feeling pretty bad, I am still thankful.
Thankful for a family that cares even when I don't really want them to.
Thankful for a beautiful nephew and neice that I can play with and learn from and teach the wonderful things of life.
Thankful for my sister who gave birth to those two cuties and amazes me at how much she accomplishes in a day, with them attached to her hips.
Thankful for my mom who loves me even though I don't necessarily show her that I deserve to be loved.
Thankful for my dad who surprises me with the small stuff sometimes, throwing me way off my game - that makes me smile because I know he loves me. Thankful for my friends who stick by me, even when I distance myself or crawl into a hole - they are very forgiving to continue to put up with me.
Thankful for my job - it pays the bills (mostly) and it challenges me everyday to be a better person. :)
Thankful for my church - God has given me the opportunity to be in a wonderful place of worship, a place that preaches from His Word, unashamed and undaunted by the world.

"Open to me the gates of righteousness; I will go through them. And I will praise the LORD. This is the gate of the LORD, through which the righteous shall enter. I will praise You, for You have answered me, and have become my salvatoin. The stone which the which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone. This was the LORD's doing; it is marvelous in our eyes. This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.......You are my God, and I will praise You; You are my God, I will exalt You. Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever." Psalm 118:19-24; 28, 29

Personalize Your Home with Decorative Expressions

2009-08-04T18:38:00.001-07:00

http://kelleywright.uppercaseliving.net

Another catalog, another day...

that's right folks...

ANOTHER catalog!!!! I'm so excited!!!
(most excited about the 54" Eiffel Tower that I'll be purchasing TONIGHT!!!)

So here it is, take a look!!

Your home is your haven, so why not give it a personality and style that expresses who you are?
With Uppercase Living’s beautiful vinyl expressions and décor, you can turn any space into a unique expression of you and your family.

As easy to put up as they are to take down, our expressions will bring color, creativity, and comfort into your home. And for an even more personalized touch, our online MyDesign Suite™ offers an easy way to create an expression that is all your own.

If the crown fits....
put it on your wall!!!!!!!! :)

http://kelleywright.uppercaseliving.net

Going Through the Motions

2009-07-19T18:28:00.000-07:00

Today, another amazing Lord's day!! The Lord continues to bless me over and over again... Pastor Dennis (our Interim Pastor) is just so gifted in stepping all over my toes every single Sunday... and I so need it! I have been praying for God to work on my heart in a big way and to help clear my mind and put me back on the path He has prepared for me to be on. I don't know
that I had strayed far from that path, but I believe that the path had become very cluttered with things that were not glorifying to Him. I had become consumed with "doing church" every Sunday and Wednesday night... I was going through the motions...

"I think one of the greatest challenges in actively living out a relationship
with Christ on earth is to avoid the trap of simply going through the motions. I know what a "Christian" should say. I know how to act. I know how to put up a spiritual front, even if I'm not passionately seeking God. That was the inspiration behind my song, "The Motions". I was tired of settling for a stale faith. God is a God of PASSION. His true plan for our lives is anything but boring. Everyday, the God of adventure beckons his sons and daughters to quit going through the motions and walk into a life filled with passion and wonder." - Matthew West

So I got to the point where I was so over-committed to so many things at church that I was not able to see through the weeds that had grown up in my pathway to see what God's will was for my life... I was beginning to get lost in this little world of church that I had created. I had become obsessed with committing myself to doing everything I could for everyone because I felt that I needed to be needed. I wanted to be needed. I have always wanted to feel needed.

That need and desire to feel needed is what led to a deep desire for relationships and friendships that I could not, if I am being honest with myself, nurture and maintain on my own, especially with my busy schedule. I was stretched to the max, I was spread too thin. Friends suffered from this... people were hurt by this. People that tried to become friends with me finally gave up because I was so obsessed with other things and being the "Go-To Girl" that I didn't notice them. And then God showed me that I had to make some serious choices. I had to re-prioritize. And he showed me in a very painful way that I wish it had not taken. He showed me that I needed to be more focused on my self worth and my identity in Christ. He also showed me that I needed to put my family first in a situation that was very difficult for me to swallow.

I reached a breaking point. It became very apparent to me that what I was doing was clearly not glorifying to God. Being a choir leader, a youth leader, a praise team member, choir member, chair of the youth council, webmaster, go-to girl of the creative stuff in the church was not doing anything for my spiritual growth! WOW! Really????? You mean good works don't get you into heaven???? Ok, sorry for the sarcasm...

So what changed me? When did I notice this desire for change? When did God prick my heart?After a year of pushing and pulling and crying and praying and begging and sweating and pulling my hair out, I wondered if the youth were worth the trouble with the youth choir (Creative Praise). They had become very difficult... very, very difficult to deal with. Apathy doesn't even begin to describe what I was dealing with. I mean, it was part of the problem, but it was only part of it. There was no level of commitment from the students, from their parents and there was no regard for being part of something bigger than they. There were a few students that took it and tried to encourage other students. We tried this attempt and it worked for a few weeks. Then there were the students who were the faithful few whose parents were there at the same time and really had no choice in the matter. But honestly, I began to wonder "why am I here??" But I persisted. I was determined. In a moment of insanity I decided to do a Night of Worship. Mind you, I had NO help. I had no one to assist me with this feat.

The students came out in droves (where'd they come from? I have no idea!). The week before the Night of Worship, I think Steve and Sean seemed somewhat concerned that I was not more keyed up and wired about the performance, but I just felt a sense of peace about it. I knew before it ever got there that it was going to be my swan song. I knew that this would be the last performance with these students for me. I had already come to the conclusion that things were changing in a big way for me.

The kids pulled out all the stops for me that night... wait... not for me. But I'll get to that. They were dressed in khaki pants and black shirts and looked all spiffy... they sang their hearts out. They sang praise songs that I love and they love... they picked them out. I stuck a few in there they weren't crazy about, but they grew to love them.

And this is when it hit me... At one point, I looked up at this group of students and realized they were not looking at their books. They were looking up. They were raising their hands. They were crying. They were smiling. They were praising God. They were worshipping. They were there to glorify Him. The one who was working on my heart. That God of Passion. The God Who "beckons his sons and daughters to quit going through the motions and walk into a life filled with passion and wonder". I continued to direct, but could no longer sing... I had burst into tears. One of the students saw me begin to cry and the chain reaction began. The students showed true passion and pure worship that night. It was the most amazing feeling, to stand with them in that intimate space on stage and watch their beautiful faces just worship God... it was a picture I will always remember. One of those mental snapshots you take in your mind that you will never ever forget. (tears now)

I share this with you to say that this is where it began for me. As hard as it was for me, I stopped at this point and time... I stopped going through the motions. It was a slow change, but it was something I was so very sure of. I knew that I was no longer glorifying God by being all of these things for all of these people and that I needed to simplify my life. I needed to streamline.

I have also been in the process of possibly moving out of town. I have the opportunity to live and work in Raleigh and have seriously considered moving. I have not made the decision yet because the company that I work for is in flux right now and is undergoing a major transformation. When I see my name in an organizational chart, then I will decide where I will live. :) Until then, I will serve God, right here, right now.

Please know that I am not claiming to have been the perfect servant during this spiritual journey. I have fought it. I have been angry. I have been quite rebellious (some of which has been quite surprising to even me). I have even questioned God. I have now seen that I have clearly made the right decision. Even when I feel disconnected from people that I used to be close to at church, I am also developing new friendships with other people and renewing friendships with people that have been broken for a while. Full circle? I would say so.

I am also feeling a little better connected to my family and pray that those connections will only get stronger.

I even went to a baby shower last week that I had not planned on going to (I was not planning on being back from the beach in time) and helped with things, but did not feel like I had to be in control of everything!! It was great!!

I close with the chorus of Matthew West's song "The Motions" and the verses that the Lord has laid on my heart during this process:

I don’t wanna go through the motions I don’t wanna go one more day Without Your all consuming passion inside of me I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking What if I had given everything? Instead of going through the motions

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Philippians 2:5-11 (ESV)

Busy Summer

2009-07-19T12:04:00.001-07:00

So it's been a while since I posted, but it has been quite the busy summer!

I have been working like crazy and pushing to meet ridiculous deadlines... which seem neverending.

I also got the opportunity to take a week off and go to the beach. It started the weekend of the 4th and worked out that some of my dad's family that I hadn't seen in a few years was at the beach as well. It was nice to see them and catch up. We had a great time enjoying each others' company and just relaxing together.

My sister, bro-in-law and niece and nephew came down as well, which was lots of fun to get to hang out with them on the beach. Little 'L' is just a mess... she is still not sure of sand and is so peculiar with getting dirty and being wet and sandy at the same time, but by the last day, she was starting to get used to it. I think now that she can get up and walk around on her own, she is somewhat more confident with it. Mr. 'N' just had a blast playing in the sand and darting back and forth in the waves. He is very brave in the water... sometimes a little too brave. You have to really watch those little ones and their sometimes quick moves.

Once everyone left after the weekend and my sister and her family left on Tuesday, I had the place all to myself... ... it was soooooo nice. I have never been a recluse... I have never been a hermit type of personality, but it was certainly nice to have some "Kelley time". It was quiet, I didn't have a schedule, I didn't have meetings or places to be, I didn't even have to drive anywhere if I didn't want to. It was amazing!! I was so relaxed for a few days that I didn't know how to act!! But Friday came soon enough and I had to pack up to come home. :( Back to reality.

Once I came home, I was able to visit with my grandparents (on my mom's side). I enjoyed dinner with them, a movie with the girls (The Proposal is very good), went to church Sunday and helped with a baby shower Sunday afternoon. It was busy, but it was not stressful. I also went to my friend's family pool on Sunday afternoon which was nice and relaxing.

Going back to work wasn't bad (until Thursday) and I had been kind of sneaking a peek at my emails so I didn't get far behind on what was going on at work. I was able to catch right back up and pick up where I left off. I went to the movies again on Wednesday night, alone (which I have no problem with) and saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. It was nice to walk in and grab some popcorn and sit all by myself in the front row... it would have been nice to laugh with someone at some of the funny parts and lean on someone when I cried, but it was good alone.

Then things at work went a little haywire on Thursday... a mandate was set and Sr. Management has their eyes on this project that I am assigned to. The history of the project is not something I have had any control over, but it lays in mine and one other person's hands right now and it is quite eye-opening and frightening to think that if we don't get it right, Sr. Management can say "off with their heads!!" just like that! So I am praying for the Lord to work in that situation... whatever His will is, will be done... it is just extremely nerveracking right now.

Friday evening, I decided to go see my friends who have just had their second child. She is girl #2 and I was so excited to meet this new little addition. It was a sweet time of fellowship with this precious little family and I am so glad that I got to spend the evening with them. I just love the time I do get to spend with them and so enjoy their company. We ate dinner (pizza and pasta from Pizza Hut) and watched some of Cinderella. :) Then I went to another friend's house and caught up and played Rummikub... fun game, but sometimes very frustrating! It was a good time. I haven't had the opportunity to hang out with those friends in a long time because of busy schedules and other reasons (another post for another day) and I just really enjoyed myself. It felt silly and felt like an old shoe.

Saturday was a lazy day... which I cherish... when I was younger and lived with my dad, I always had lists of things to do - cut grass, clean house, clean out attic (I think it's still on the list!) and I dreaded Saturdays so badly that I would make plans to stay away on Saturdays!! Yikes!! Now, I love my Saturdays in my house. Yes, it makes it worse for another day because I will have to do the work another time, but I just don't care. I love my lazy Saturdays!! I can relax and watch reruns of Beverly Hills, 90210 or watch Lifetime movies or catch up on a Netflix rental that I've had for a month (defeats the purpose of Netflix, I know) or whatever I want to do!!

After my lazy Saturday, I decided to call my sister and find out what they were doing for the evening. I was in desperate need to spend some quality time with my little buddies, N & L. I walk in and hear a little voice say "Hi, Khaki!" and think it's my almost 3 year old nephew and turn the corner and realize it's my 18 mos. old neice!! WHAT?? When did she become so stinking articulate??? I enjoyed dinner with them, goofing off with the kids - animal noises are lots of fun. My bro-in-law came out of the bedroom & said it sounded like a zoo. At one point, I tried to make myself sound like a monkey and ended up sounding like a screeching bird and I said "wow, that sounded more like a bird than a monkey" and N said "No, Khaki, it didn't... birds eat poop!" WHAT????? I laughed so hard I cried! We did all kinds of dog sounds (the howling hound dog was N's favorite) and had a fun time. Then we watched Kung Fu Panda. That was a cute movie!! N sat with me and cuddled with me during the movie. I love that time together. It is so precious to me. (Even when N whispers in my ear "dat scared me, Khaki!")

I enjoyed lunch today with friends and then went to their pool again (same as last week). It's nice to just relax on a Sunday and not have to do anything. And now? Yes, I'm catching up on laundry and dishes in between paragraphs... and watching Army Wives. :)

Have a great week everyone! God bless!!

Summer Memory Tuesday

2009-06-16T18:12:00.001-07:00

I am stemming off of my friend Kelley's blog, The Monogrammed Mrs. and thinking back on summer memories on this not-as-hot-as-it-has-been summer evening (thank heavens!!).

My grandparents used to go to the Outer Banks every summer and spend a week or so with my aunts and uncles and we would go with them a lot for either some or all of the week. There is one particular memory that is so vivid in my mind and I still laugh out loud today when I remember it...

We were at Cape Hatteras in a complex of condos and they all looked alike. There was a condo and then connected to it was a hotel room of sorts. It was front and back, so there was an entrance in the front and an entrance in the back. My uncle had gone out to the grocery store & my aunts & my grandmother had taken my sister & I to the pool. We were hanging out at the pool & my grandmother decided to go to the condo to use the restroom and watch her "story" (Young & the Restless). I had an underwater camera that I was goofing off with and was pointing it toward the sky and noticed something funny... I came up from underwater and pointed, calling out to my aunt... "I think Grandma is going up the wrong steps!", all the while thinking... "Oh boy, this could very well be the beginning of an interesting situation..."
So my aunt proceeds to yell "Grandma!!! Mern!!! Mommy!!! Stop!!!" Anything, please God, make her stop! So then we think... "to be sure, the door must be locked and the key she has won't work."

No such luck.

Now, mind you, we are at least 1/4 mile from her at this point... at least! She has at this point entered another family's condo...and yes, it looks exactly like ours. And no, the door was not locked. So, both of my aunts take off after her. They assign me to look after my sister. We both stand in amazement as these two women take off running (they run?? really??) up the boardwalk to the condos... they slowed down quite a bit once they started climbing the stairs. They finally reached the top, disappeared into the "wrong condo" and reappeared a few minutes later, one on each arm of my grandmother, both looking at her in a scolding way... they walk her across the walkway to the right set of condos and into the right door and come back out several minutes later to check on us.

Later, I found out what happened... and she honestly got confused... as any of us would. She went into the wrong door, which was definitely unlocked (she didn't even attempt the key). She walked in, heard the shower running & thought my uncle was back from the grocery store. She noticed a banana on the counter and ate it and then proceeded to use their restroom. By the time my aunts got to the apartment, the man was still in the shower and my grandmother was sitting on the toilet in a different bathroom... hahaha... yes, I am laughing loudly now... I love this story!!

They quickly had her get out of the bathroom and the apartment and I don't know if the man ever knew any different... it was too funny!!!

The next day, I noticed my grandmother walk over to the other apartment and lay a banana on the doormat... haha! I guess she felt bad for eating their banana!!! :o)

Wonderful summer memories... oh how I miss my grandmother...

Beach Weekends, Broken Bones & Turning a Year Older

2009-06-15T16:18:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been going to the beach a little more this year because we have a little more space down at the beach. We have an extra trailer and Daddy has kept it up for us to use when we want to come down. I have thoroughly enjoyed it and plan to spend more time down there... maybe even a week of solitude during during July... just me & some good books!!! :) Sounds like a plan, huh??

So, two weekends ago, we were at the beach and I actually took a spill... broke my ankle!! Yikes! It had been raining and I walked out of the trailer onto the deck - it was wet & my foot turned under me... I hit the deck, literally! Anyway, I'm wearing a boot and on crutches (for just a few more days). I'm doing really well though & excited about walking without the crutch(es). :)

So, yesterday was my birthday... the big 3-2! Wow... hard to believe I am 32! Really??? Seriously?? I spent the weekend at the beach... and while it was not as relaxing and ideal as I had hoped, it was a weekend at the beach. I sat around & read a book... enjoyed the time with my Dad and Ci-Ci.

The best part of my birthday was when I came home & went to my mom's house. (I had already gotten a really cute voicemail from my nephew & niece) I walked in & 'N' said "There's your birfday cake! Happy Birfday Khaki!!!" very excitedly!! It made me smile from ear to ear!! Little 'L' walks up & says "Hey Daddy!" as she says to everyone right now... haha... (actually, she walked & squeaked... her crazy mother bought her shoes with squeakers in them... how awful... for everyone... a child that squeaks like a dog toy everytime she takes a step.... and she LOVES it!!)

So I walk in and my mom & sister have decorated the dining room with beautiful flowers (with the help of the neighbor) and balloons, confetti, etc. It was great! They had cooked homemade spaghetti, had a salad and we had cake and homemade Oreo ice cream (YUM!). They gave me lots of nice gifts and I had a great time with the kids and with the family. It was a nice weekend and turned out to be a great night last night... until I had to unload all of the stuff from my car last night with one crutch & a boot... :(

But it was nice to be home and relax and reflect on the past year and where I have come from and where I am going. More to come about that later...

For now, I found these cute little things on widdlytinks.com

Apartments, Townhouses, Beaches & Strawberries

2009-05-30T11:38:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know... a loaded post...

Because I am such a slack poster and don't follow the blogger rules like I should... I am now just catching up.

Yes, I have finally made a decision and I am moving to Raleigh. I have made this decision for several reasons...

1) Professionally, it's a good move for me. Most of the people I work with are in Raleigh and I'm traveling there for work 2-3 times a week (which is tough on me mentally & tough on my vehicle). Also, if something happens with the bank and I happen to not have a job soon (Lord willing, that won't happen, but you never know with this crazy recession), the IT market is much better in the triangle for my line of work than in RMT, so I think it's best I get my roots in RTP soon so that I can find a job there if I need to. (scary!!)

2) Personally/Socially, it's a good move for me. I am turning 32 in less than a month. Whoa!! That's weird! I don't FEEL 32! I think that is what is strange. All of my wonderful friends who have been married for a few years now and have kids, or even those who have opted to not have kids... they have found their soul mate and they are happy and making plans for their houses and homes and flower beds and bonus rooms and such. I don't have that and I know that I don't need it. But it would be nice to have someone to talk to everyday. Just someone to come home to and sit with and cuddle with. Is that too much to ask? Anyway, I am going to Raleigh because I firmly believe my husband is in Raleigh... or is moving to Raleigh soon. :) Funny, huh? It's about TIME!

3) WHY NOT????? If I worked for ANY other company, I would have to find another job. If I was married & had kids, I couldn't just pick up because I wanted to move. I'd have to think of my family. I'm not crazy about leaving my family behind and stepping out into new territory where my family is 45 minutes away... but that's just it... they're FORTY-FIVE minutes away... for crying out loud... I'm not moving to TEXAS.... just Raleigh. haha

4) I think God is trying to get me out of my comfort zone. I think he has been for a long time. I think that I've been scared to make a move like this for some time. I think he wants me to be fully dependent on him and I can't do that until I step out and trust in him completely.

So there. That's why. Not that I should have to explain it to anyone, but more to rationalize it for myself so that when I come back in 5, 10, 15, 20 years and read this blog, I will see how far I've come... by the way... in 20 years, I will be 52 years old, Lord willing!!

So, apparantly during this dreaded process of searching for an apartment, I have not only decided that I don't want to live in an apartment complex, but that I should probably write articles for Apartment Guide. :) I am the WORST critic. I have encountered some DOOZIES!! Now this is where it gets quite hilarious... these people are just certifiable.

So I have probably been to about 25-30 different apartment complexes in Raleigh at this point.
First, let me explain my ground rules. I have a friend who asked me if I had a list of questions before I started. I looked at her like "huh?". She laughed & emailed me her questions. She had 21... let me repeat.........TWENTY-ONE questions to ask each apartment complex. So, I thought to myself... Ok, I can do this. So my first day of visits, I was definitely an over-acheiver. I regretfully made five appointments. I couldn't walk the next day. FIVE apartments are too many for ONE day... it's too much to keep up with. Three is the max. Seriously!! Unless you pack a nice picnic lunch and plan to have energy bars and a peppy personal trainer pushing you along and encouraging you to keep going (I'm thinking Bob from The Biggest Loser), then three is your max, people!! (Just so you know, I have added 2 questions to her list now! Not kidding!!) Oh and 3rd floor is the best because 2nd floor is in between everyone & 1st floor has no privacy with everyone walking by & car doors slamming/parking issues, etc. So I am always asking for 3rd floor, but 2nd if 3rd is not available.

My top picks so far are the following:

Perry Point - A Greystar Community - the problem with this one - too expensive!! The two bedroom, two bath on the 3rd floor.

Inman Park - Really nice, great area, great features... just can't commit to the rate yet. It's on the top of my price range... so I'm not settling yet.

Preserve at Brier Creek - TOO FAR from EVERYTHING. I LOVE this apartment, the complex, everything about it... but it is at LEAST a 30 minute drive from work, friends, downtown, everything... and makes an hour from home. Nope, not gonna happen.

So, let me tell you about the BAD ones. :) Are you ready for this???
The top of the list (this was a seriously hard choice for me):

Edwards Mill Village

The reason I chose this one first was because of the "sales pitch". I was so appalled at the young lady that showed me the apartments that I was speechless when I left. I seriously cannot put into words how bad it was... but of course I WILL....!!! The person I corresponded with on email was very knowledgeable and seemed to be easy to communicate with. I walked in and did not receive the same impression from her "assistant". This is one of the situations where you can't understand how a person who can't speak proper English is in an communication/sales role. It was THAT bad. She pulled out a few floor plans, after I had specifically said "I want to see a 2 BR/2 BA", she pulls a 2 BR/2.5 BA. I wanted to look at the one level floor plan and she pulls out a townhouse two level floor plan. I explained again that I wanted to see the other and being the "sales" person that she is, she pushed for the higher rate and wanted to only show me the townhouse/two level. That made me angry. So, we get in this golf cart that had the cover on it, the zippers were down and she tried to drive off while I was still trying to get in under the cover.... what a nut! So as she's dragging my foot along the pavement (I almost lost my shoe), she sees someone she knows and almost runs into my car. Wow. So we finally get to the townhouse after I get "golf cart sick" from going over the speed bumps at FULL speed and fly past vehicles almost side-swiping them... ugh. She opens the door & says "you can go on in..." and proceeds to stand on the front porch and answer a personal phone call on her cell phone. I took one look at the inside and turned around. I said "I don't like this floor plan." She said "You don't? Well have you looked at our sister properties?" WOW.

So then we go to another one, that is IDENTICAL to this floor plan.... but oh, guess what? The fireplace is in a different place. She says "I don't know what they was thankin when they put dat fireplace in dat spot... who would know how to arrange theys' furniture around dat thang?" So we're walking out on the back porch & I said "Oh look, there's a squirrel on the back porch!" She said "Oh girl, you's gonna have to go out dere by yo'self... I's skeered of squirrels!" Enough said. Actually, I wanted to say "why don't you call me when you build an apartment in the back that suits my needs."

Marquis at Edwards Mill
This complex made me angry. Their website is very deceiving. If you look at the pictures on the website you will see that they have a BEAUTIFUL layout and have beautiful hardwood floors, stainless appliances, granite countertops, maple cabinetry and in some of the pictures you may even notice brushed nickel hardware & lighting fixtures.... if you look hard enough. So I made an APPOINTMENT with the person that I was emailing and talking with on the phone. She gladly set up an appointment for a couple of hours before closing and I drove over early one afternoon after getting off of work EARLY to go over there. (can you tell I'm angry? bitter?) So, I got there & the leasing consultant seemed extremely bothered by the fact that I wanted to actually see the apartment. But she showed me anyway. So we went over and looked at it. She showed me all of the wonderful features. We finished walking through & they had quoted me a specific rate for a 3rd floor apartment. Well, we were about to walk out & I said, "so the 3rd floor apartment looks identical to this?" She said "actually, no, it will be stripped." I looked at her confused... "What do you mean?" "We strip the apartments and it will have all carpet, either tan or hunter green formica countertops, white cabinets, white appliances (no microwave), and gold hardware and lighting fixtures." "So how do I get this same look?" "Those are upgrades. I can show you a list when we get back to the office." Great. Guess what?
Upgrades:

Hardwoods (available only on 1st floor) $35/mo.
Stainless appliances $55/mo.
Granite countertops $55/mo.
Brushed nickel hardware $35/mo.
Maple cabinetry $35/mo.

UGHHH... She didn't even bother to show me the pool or other amenities at that point. They're like a cell phone company or something with their upgrades (no offense to my friends who work for cell companies)... but that's stupid. Just nickel & dime you to death.

Mariner Crossing

I don't even want to get into this one. The girl was rude, I was bothering her and she did not listen well. Bad sales assistant and bad apartments. Thank you very much for wasting that hour of my life.

So, I think I have decided that renting a townhouse like I have now is the best way to go. Even though it doesn't offer the gym and the pool... what difference does it make? I mean, really? I won't have to worry about all of this other junk. And I won't have to worry about them constantly raising rates...

So we'll see!!

So I went to the beach with the family for Memorial Day weekend. That was fun and exhausting... here are some pics:

Also, as far as the strawberries go... my wonderful friend Karen sent me the information for a wonderful photographer who was running a baby photo contest (none of mine will be entered...hehe). Her kids pictures were taken & this girl has amazzzzing composition... just a GREAT eye. Anyway, I told my sis about it and she bit, hook, line & sinker... plus it was a free sitting fee for the duration of the contest. So she had the bright idea to take the kids to a strawberry patch (Mother's Day weekend) to have their pictures taken. It was GREAT!! I have not asked permission to post the pictures yet, but I will post a link to the blog post for the two wondreful pictures she took. She is FANTASTIC! I hope you all check her out!

http://www.abphotographyblog.com/2009/05/17/strawberry-fields-forever/

Surprise Yourself & Do the Thing You Didn't Think You Could Do

2009-05-20T17:44:00.000-07:00

I went to Hallmark today while waiting for a dear friend that was meeting me for lunch and had to find a birthday present for Ally for the weekend at the beach... I was waiting for the gift to be wrapped and turned around to see this picture/painting/artwork...

I think that part that caught my eye was at the very top that said "Embrace Change". But then I read more.

Embrace Change

Take the journey back to yourself

Love with abandon

Speak of your gratitude

Wear yellow shoes

Unleash your creative spirit

Dance in the moonlight

Be positive

Believe in healing

Share your inner light

Surprise yourself and do the thing you didn't think you could do

Live as if you've only been given one chance

So I grabbed this piece of artwork... probably 20"x20" that had a $19.99 tag on it. I was shocked & snatched it up. I thought to myself "What a great FIND!" The lady rang me up & took my debit card & said as she swiped it "is that price right?" I said "it is now!"

Anyway, the point I'm making here is not that I got a GREAT piece of artwork for $19.99, but that it is exactly what I needed right now. I am in the process of making some big changes and making a big move in my life and it is going to be very difficult for me... but the one thing I needed to see was that one line... "Surprise yourself and do the thing you didn't think you could do." That's it. That's what I've been afraid to do. To do that one thing. Actually, it's a multitude of things, but it's the confidence that I am doing them. It's the full dependence upon God that He will guide me and protect me no matter what while I do those things that I didn't think I could do. It's the reminder that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

I'm sure the rest will come into play as I make this move and will take it's perfect place in the puzzle that God is putting together for me, but I will see the picture one day... I will see the box top and know that it's the puzzle of my life and see the finished product & know that it's the right picture.

Thank you for letting me share.

From the Mouths of Babes... or My Precious Nephew

2009-04-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

I have been struggling lately with a lot of decisions that I know I need to make. As the song says that I posted below "I have been a wayward child, I have acted out..." I have in so many ways. But the most shameful way is that I have not trusted in God... I am angry and I am hurt and I have not trusted in Him to lead my way. I have been frustrated and blinded by emotions that I can't explain and can't put words to. I have come to a point where I know that I am unhappy in my current situation and I know I am to do something about it, but I just have no idea which way to turn.

If I go the direction of my heart, I will ultimately leave things behind that are hindering me and I don't want to run away from it, but at the same time, I don't want to be weighed down by it. If I choose to stay, I am afraid I will grow even more resentful and stagnant and fall prey to the lonlieness and bitterness that I am already beginning to feel.

I had a talk today with my sweet sister about this very thing and one of my options is to move to Raleigh. I can move my job to Raleigh without issues, just move my office... and I am already working there 2-3 days a week right now. I am finding things that I love about Raleigh and growing fond of the hustle-bustle of the area... I wonder though, is that because I can ignore my own feelings? Will I ultimately feel just as lonely in Raleigh as I do here? Will I ultimately find the same issues there that I have found here?

Anyway, during our chat today, my sister & I were talking, while the kids were in the back seat and my precious nephew has been picking up on things so much lately, which is catching us by surprise. I was in an emotional state at this point and explaining how I don't want to be away from the kids and want to continue to be a part of their lives, that being the hardest part of this decision, when my nephew yells out "Just go, Khaki! Just go!!" As to say "Go for it!!!" I think he heard my sister say "If you want to go to Raleigh then go!" a few minutes earlier... but it was perfect timing... Talk about a rush of emotions... that's something you want to hear, but you don't want to hear coming from your 2-year old nephew... But if he can cheer me on, then why can't I?

I don't want to leave my friends here, I don't want to leave my family here, I don't want to leave my home. I love it here. I want to start a life for me though. I feel like I have always been living someone else's life... doing for so many other people. And this is my time. I feel like it's time to take that step of faith and just go.

Music is a wonderful expression of emotion and feeling for me... I have heard this song about how you think you have life figured out, but then things don't always come that easy...

Free to Be Me - Francesca Battistelli
At twenty years of age (thirty years for me...)
I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

And you’re free to be you
Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe

It's time for me to step out on my own and be free to be me. Just me. Not me and my family. Not me and my friends. Not me and my church. Not me and my job. The woman that God created me to be. Me. Kelley. Wherever that leads, then I guess it's my responsibility to follow. It's time for my brokenness to help me see "it's grace I'm standing on"...

I Will Not Be Moved - Natalie Grant

2009-04-11T20:23:00.000-07:00

I have been the wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned Sovereignty and had my share of doubt
And though sometimes my prayers feel like
They're bouncing off the sky
The hand I hold won't let me go
And is the reason why...

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

Bitterness has plagued my heart
Many times before
My life has been like broken glass
And I have kept the score
Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed
That I was far too gone
My brokenness helped me to see
It's grace I'm standing on

And the chaos in my life
Has been a badge I've worn
Though I have been torn
I will not be moved

Catching up

2009-03-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

What a busy season this is... don't get me wrong, I am thankful. I am thankful to be busy. I am thankful to have a job. I am thankful that my nephew & niece keep us all on the go.

To put it mildly, I think that I mostly lost my mind, focus, train of thought, and pretty much any possibility of sanity over the past few months due to this busyness. It has not been fun at times, and at others, it has been stimulating and challenging. Sometimes, I find myself in a situation where I'm on a deadline and I feel like I'm working to beat a deadline for some fabulous fashion magazine or well-known newspaper... but instead find myself not being in the limelight at all. I'm okay with that most days, but then I wonder, "Where is the recognition?" I assume people see and people take note, but then I sit back and wonder. Why is it that we are so consumed with the rewarding recognition of man? Instead, why can't I be satisfied that my God knows what I have done and approves (or doesn't) and nods his head as to say "Good job, kiddo."

Anyway, back to the catching up part. I have been working crazy hours preparing for a huge implementation at work. We roll out to the users this coming weekend, Lord willing. I will be working straight through from Monday until Friday week... I am praying for strength and sanity.

We also just celebrated Lily's 1st Birthday at the beginning of the month... well, it lasted through half of the month! She had 2 parties - one the weekend before her birthday for Heath's side of the family & my mom/stepdad; the other was a week & 1/2 later when my dad got back in town from CA, so she was partied out. We went shopping today & I had a great time pushing her around in the cart... she's turning into quite the little personable character. She laughs at herself for no reason and then she laughs at her brother over everything... it's really cute.

Noah is growing up so fast too... he is hearing and repeating everything... EVERYTHING. Even things he shouldn't hear or repeat. :) The other night, he stumped his toe & Jamie asked him if he was okay. He said "No, I need some coffee". haha... wonder where he's heard that????

This past weekend, we had the Youth Creative Praise Spring Musical. We decided to go with a combination of 2 musicals (which we ended up using only one song out of the other book) and called it "Made to Worship Together". The youth were apathetic and non-committal the entire time during rehearsals, but as usual, the pulled out all the stops for the performance. They showed up in a flood of enthusiasm and nerves and were really excited about praising God. I was excited as well and by the last song, I realized how great they sounded & I burst into tears... It was amazing! They sang songs and read scripture, we showed a video and Sean spoke about the essence of worship and how "The cheif end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." It was great. At the end of the program, to my surprise, Steve had our only Senior, Lindsey Melvin, give me a a bouquet of beautiful flowers and a gift card to Via (yumm). What an honor. The kids were even commenting on Facebook later that night about it, which just really warmed my heart.

Next weekend, our Adult Choir will perform "East to West". I am unsure whether I will be able to perform with them as I am so busy with work and may have to work through Sunday afternoon. But even if I have to work, I plan to be there, in that sanctuary, whether in the choir loft or in the pew, praising God and thanking Him for sending His son to reach out His nail-scarred hand and touch me.

Things to come... April 25th, I will be walking in the Triangle MS Walk in honor of my sister, Jamie, who was recently diagnosed with MS. I have not been able to respond to some folks about that yet, so if I haven't I apologize. Jamie was diagnosed earlier this month and is handling things well. She has begun her injections/treatments and they are making her a little icky feeling after the fact, but not terrible. We are praying for healing and strength and that the medicine will allow her to live a normal life (as normal as it can be with two toddlers running around).

Well, I really need to go to bed, since I do need to be at church at 8:00 tomorrow morning... yippee... I doubt I'll get much sleep with the tornado watch in effect right now... yawn.

Made to Worship Together

2009-03-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

Please join us this Sunday night for the Youth Choir Night of Worship

I have been working with the Youth on this effort since September and am thrilled that it is finally here.

Sunset Ave. Baptist Church

Sunday, March 22, 2008

6:00pm

Work Work Work

2009-03-20T19:30:00.001-07:00

Hey folks...
I've been really slack in posting, I know. I feel terrible about it... but as my manager has said numerous times in the past few days "it is what it is". Seems to be the quote of the week.
We are in the throes of a huge project at work right now (in comes the technical lingo) implementing a new mortgage loan application system. The system that we currently have has been customized so much that it practically does the job for the Loan Officer... automation that moves a file from one person to the next (systematically) and so on. Now, we're getting a very basic, vanilla... minus the nuts, fudge, whipped cream & cherry... version of a new mortgage application system. It has been my ongoing living nightmare. It started off as exciting and intriguing. Now, it is just draining and annoying. I am fatigued and irritable... working every waking minute. I just finally logged off for the night and quit working. (At this point, I'm done with the technical lingo, so those of you who glossed over can join the living again.)

I have come to the point in my job where I hate to be... the "I really don't want to get up and go to work" attitude. I don't know if I can or want to handle it. I feel the beginnings of the last job I had where I cried driving to work every morning. This hasn't gotten to that point yet, but this is one of those deals where I think "if I leave, they're all going to realize how much work I do". In this economy, I can't take that risk. So, I'm sucking it up, pulling up my boot straps, putting on my big girl britches and moving on.

Speaking of moving on... that whole part about pulling up my boot straps & putting on my big girl britches... may very well require me to move... out of town... to Raleigh. I have thought about this and prayed about this and I'm not getting clear answers. I have considered maybe finding something on the other side of Nashville, Spring Hope, Zebulon... halfway between my family & the job... we'll see. It's totally not decided at this point.

I trust that you'll pray for God to show me clearly what He would have me do in this situation. I feel that if I want to continue to do well in my job, that it would require me to be in Raleigh because that is where all of my peers are located, as well as my manager.

Sorry this post is somewhat scattered... but I'm exhausted & think that it's probably best for me to go to bed at this point. :)

A New Addition to the Miller Family

2009-03-04T19:35:00.000-08:00

Good friends, Gary & Blair Miller are in China at this very minute spending time with the newest addition to their family... Kai Holden Miller!

If you have the password, then you can click on their names above or on the link to the right and access their page. I do not want to give out the password without their permission, so I am going to post a portion of the blog form the day they actually held Kai in their arms for the first time:

Now for the most important part..... we have Kai!!! Thank you
all for your prayers. As you will see in the pictures, Kai adjusted to us from
the moment we held him. Our guide said she has never seen a child who did not
cry. If you are wondering if he actually weighs 28 pounds, the answer is yes. He
is as solid as Ridge was. In fact he has those same rosy cheeks as his big
brother. He will love everyone, especially his older sisters.

I know Blair will do a journal entry as well, so I won't still
all her thunder. She has much to say I'm sure about what we received from the
orphanage, etc.

I would like to say thank you again to all for your prayers.
This journey has been a marvelous ride so far. But, I couldn't conclude this
entry without thanking God. His grace and mercy has flowed so abundantly to my
family. It is something we do not deserve but praise the Lord for all He has
done and continues to do.

Please continue to pray for the Miller family as they finish up paperwork, wait for Kai's passport & travel back to the states to greet a most excited group of family and friends!!

My Apologies...

2009-03-04T19:06:00.000-08:00

I am so slack at blogging... I try, I really do. I think about it almost every night and then think better of it. I usually don't do it on my home laptop because it is just too slow and my work laptop has to be logged off of the network in order for me to post... which requires me to be disconnected from email, which is a life-line, which I'm learning to live without.

So, please forgive me for not posting more often. I am going to make an effort to try to post at least once a week if I can.

Life has been crazy!

Please pray for my sister, Jamie, tomorrow as she goes to the doctor for some answers to some pretty daunting questions. She has been through lots of tests and scans and a couple of hospital visits. She will hopefully find out what's going on tomorrow so that a treatment plan can be determined and life can go on. Please pray for the doctors to make the right decisions and for Jamie & Heath to have a clear mind and continue to trust in the Lord for all their upcoming decisions.

Grace and peace to you all...

Firsts...

2009-03-04T18:25:00.000-08:00

There are a number of 1st’s happening right now…
· It’s the 1st week of March…
· We just had our 1st Sunday with a new Interim Pastor at church who was phenomenal! (although we really miss our former Pastor & his family – please pray for the Poole family as they begin training to be Church Planters for the North American Mission Board in the Raleigh area.)
· The 1st day of Spring is fast approaching, teasing us with warm weather this coming weekend
· This is the 1st Wednesday night in a long time that I haven’t been to church, and I’m ok with it (overwhelmed & stressed right now)
· The 1st episode of Cycle 12 of ANTM!! (pssst… that’s America’s Next Top Model for you rookies)
…AND
· Last but definitely not least… this weekend is Lily’s 1st BIRTHDAY!!! J Can you believe that baby is ONE YEAR OLD??? I can’t either… she has grown so fast, it is just unimaginable!!

I designed a really cute invitation for her birthday – I found the design online and snagged it. I do this a lot when I’m in a time crunch. Jamie & I worked on these while she was getting an IV infusion over the weekend… She decided to have a small get-together with Heath’s family, my mom & Ed on Saturday before her birthday & then have another small get-together for with Dad & Nancy when my dad gets back from California. Daddy’s birthday is the day before Lily’s, so normally, we would celebrate together…however, with the events of this past weekend & Daddy being in Myrtle Beach (the ultimate traveller), we were unable to celebrate. So he won’t be back until the week after next and that will be when we celebrate both of their birthdays, I guess…

Jamie decided she wanted to keep the crowds small for a few reasons. One, there are not many babies the same age as Lily in the church, so there was really no one her age to invite. Second, we all know Lily is just really, really shy and sensitive. She would be terribly overwhelmed at her age with a lot of people, so Jamie decided to keep it small.

Anyway, enough of that… here are the invites!

So this post is dedicated to that itty bitty almost one-year old neice of mine... she's so precious... :) I love her to pieces...

Past Due Post...

2009-01-30T19:09:00.001-08:00

I owe a post... I am sorry I haven't posted lately, but work is insane...
So, I'm going to steal from my facebook post... :( Sorry!!

1. I have been avoiding this list for quite some time... thanks KK for inspiring me... :o)
2. I should really be typing on my blog that I am WAY behind on, but have been too busy working late at night to blog... that makes me sad. http://kelleyinspired.blogspot.com
3. I really like to eat out a nice restaurants, but don't get to go very often because it's hard to coordinate folks to go with.
4. I recently joined eHarmony... I'm not really feelin it. I was a member in 2006 and had an interesting experience with a strange fella (Cannup) and guess I'm a little "mouse-shy". Plus, I'm not crazy about how judgmental people are just by pictures and a profile.
5. I have just started a Beth Moore Bible Study that I have gone through before, but to be honest, I wasn't a very good student the first time. I didn't do all of my homework & didn't retain a lot, so I'm going to commit to REALLY do it this time!!
6. I have a business called Uppercase Living and I'm an Independent Demonstrator. It's a great product and I'm really excited about selling it!! http://kelleywright.uppercaseliving.net
7. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to hang out with my nephew, Noah & niece, Lily. They are the JOY & LIGHT of my life! I love to hear Noah talk & especially say the name he calls me "Khaki" which we're not sure how that came about, but I love, love, love it. I could care less if he called me Khaki for the rest of my life! Lily has even tried to say it once or twice... but it's mostly just "Khhhhhhhaaaaa". :o)
8. I love to hang out with my friends - even just to sit around & talk. It doesn't have to be formal... just hang out. Even if we're just watching TV together. Just being in the presence of people that I care about means the world to me.
9. I secretly love the new show on Fox called FRINGE. I don't know why - it grosses me out sometimes... I think it really reminds me a lot of Alias, which was my all time favorite TV show. In fact, I think both shows have the same producer. Anyway, I love Joshua Jackson (used to be in Dawson's Creek) and I just love the weirdness of the plot.
10. I love Coca-Cola. Too much.
11. I love photography... black & white. Especially architectural. Specifically, Parisian architecture (Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe, Notre Dame Cathedral, Paris Opera House, etc.). I want to visit Paris one day - that is my ultimate dream trip... to stand on the Eiffel Tower and just take it all in.
12. I think I've decided that when I get married, I want to elope. I'm okay with that... although, I reserve the right to change my mind. :o)
13. I love to walk through old buildings, historical sites and tour the back rooms of churches. I have always wanted to go on the special tour at the Biltmore House where you can go through the secret passageways (like Don Knotts in Private Eyes).
14. I love to lay around with Buster on a rainy day... especially when he's sleeping and he does that doggy sigh... like "this is the life".
15. My favorite time of day is when I walk in from work and drop all of my bags and sit down to breathe... I just look forward to the day when someone will be there to greet me.
16. I get really annoyed when people have bad grammar or spell things wrong in work emails...
17. I really really miss my grandma. She was a lot of fun to be around and a great person to talk to... I miss calling her to tell her what is going on in my life.
18. I'm very creative, but don't take the time to express it a lot.
19. I love red shoes. I think they're sexy.
20. I really want a blackberry, but know that I don't need one.
21. I want to visit the Greek Islands.
22. I want my own mini version of Buster... is there such a thing as a mini boxer? Will there ever be a dog with that personality?
23. I really want to lose 90 more lbs. 40 down, 90 to go!
24. I love my Lord with all my heart and wish that I hadn't wasted so much of my time living to please myself instead of Him. I am thankful for all He has given me in spite of myself.
25. I love to sing... in the choir, on praise team, in the shower... wherever I can. It may not always sound that great, but I love to praise the Lord!!

Fairy Tales & Castles...

2009-01-18T19:06:00.001-08:00

What is it with girls & their fairy tales?

We always dream of being dressed in a fabulous ballgown and walking into the ball (fashionably late, of course), just to be announced as the up and coming bachelorette, ready to be swept away by Prince Charming for the first dance... you can hear the rustle and bustle of all of the beautiful gowns brushing against each other as the string quartet plays a waltz and then... he wisks you away onto the terrace under the moonlight... water from a fountain and crickets being the only sound, besides the music and dancing inside... he leans in for the kiss and you fall out of your bed.

That's right girls... the fairy tale is more often than not a dream... just a dream. Maybe a daydream... maybe a deep sleep dream... but most of the time, just that, a DREAM.

Well, I have just found part of that dream in France and for only $90 a night!! haha... this is so rediculous... but I'm so excited about it...

I'm thinking what a perfect Honeymoon package this would be... or even just a single girl trip... all by myself!!!

I was watching "Keys to the Castle: France" on HGTV tonight and there was a beautiful castle nestled in the beautiful region of Poitou Charentes in the West of France, surrounded by a moat and accessible only by a (get this) manual draw-bridge!!! It is called Chateau de Tennessus (House in Tennessee?) and is a Bed & Breakfast!! It is privately owned by an English couple and this couple bought this castle for around $300,000 and has renovated it for over 18 years!! EIGHTEEN YEARS!!! They have probably spent $600,000 more on the castle and it is probably worth about $2-3m!!

Anyway, can you believe it's only $90 a night!!! WOW! Whod've thunkit? :)

So, go to their website & check it out!!

What's Your Cover?

2009-01-17T18:26:00.000-08:00

So today, I was at the grocery store and noticed a magazine with Renee' Zelwegger on the front. Of course, she's thin and beautiful, flirty and fashionable and the headline says "I'm not single, I'm busy!"

So I thought about what my magazine cover would look like right now.
I'm thinking I may try to setup a photo shoot & take a picture of it... :) ....we'll see.

But here's the picture I'm thinking of:
a frazzled young woman standing at a desk, laptop on one side (don't forget the two monitors!), stacks of files on the other, bluetooth while texting, while twittering, while blogging, while leading a conference call on a completely different headset, while digging through my purse for my lunch-to-drink, tic-tacs for dessert... the Ace Hardware commercial where the woman is pulling her hair out over paint colors... that's what my hair will look like, not in a very attractive, avant garde fashionable way.... just FRAZZLED...

So yes, my headline would be the same... after 60 hours of work this week and no time to blog ... and after leaving my groceries in the car for 2 hours after I came in the house & forgot about them... I have decided that ... no, I'm not single... and yes, I'm too busy.

The neverending multi-tasker,

Fresh & Fabulous Fabric = Fresh Ideas

2009-01-11T12:29:00.000-08:00

My mom has wonderful intentions of making gifts before Christmas and somehow, like all of us, gets completely overwhelmed and doesn't get to a lot of things. So while at her house for dinner Friday night, she pulls out this fabulous fabric she had bought for us to make new purses. The purse pattern she had was a little small & awkward looking, so here is what I've found... I hope we have enough fabric for it... if not, I may be going to get some more. :o)

This fabric is fantastic - it is Pop Garden by Heather Bailey (Hello, My Name is Heather), one of my favorite creative blogs...

Here are the two coordinating fabrics she picked out... great for spring!!

So, I can't decide on which I want on the inside & which I want on the outside... but having found this fabulous pattern (below), I realized... it's REVERSIBLE!!!!!!!! Wooohhoooo! So, it's time to start sewing!! Yippee! Now, I need to find something that coordinates w/these two fabrics for the cute little flower (that can totally be removed if it's too much... but I think it's kinda cute).

A Few of My Favorite Things

2009-01-07T04:39:00.000-08:00

Here are a few of my favorite Christmas memories...

My skinny Christmas tree... I went with the red & teal/turquoise this year... my fav color combo!

The girls came over for a little Christmas party... we had a great time!

Jasmine - Mom & Ed's dog... I love this shot of her... looks so very vintage. :)My HOPE is in YOU Lord!
Mamaw & Kenleigh were making Christmas candy & this turned out to be a great picture.Our Christmas Musical at church "The Name Jesus"...

(Maday gets credit for both of these pictures in the church... she is a fabulous photographer!)

Our sanctuary was beautifully decorated!! Heath's pajama pants were 3 sizes too large... ya think?

(KK, does this remind you of anyone we know?)

Sweet Baby Lily... growing so fast!! Noah being quite the little artist!!
Pi-Worts! He loves the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything... VeggieTales are his favorite! He loves "Elliot" (played by Larry the Cucumber, of course).
CHEESE!!! Buster had a great Christmas!So many presents... so little time...
ZZZZOOOOOOOOM!!
This picture explains it all... Christmas flew by this year! I pray that you all have wonderful Christmas memories to remind you of how blessed we all are to be surrounded by so many wonderful people that love us... even when we have a camera in their face constantly. :)

let your imagination grow...

2009-01-06T14:40:00.000-08:00

The expression on the front of the catalog explains it all!!! The new 2009 Spring/Summer Idea Catalog has arrived and it’s gorgeous! I have been anticipating this release for months, so here’s what you’ll find inside the 2009 Spring/Summer Idea Catalog!

The Premium Product You’ve Been Waiting for—Etched Glass!
With the launch of the new Idea Catalog, we’re delighted to introduce our first specialty vinyl—Etched Glass! This premium product mimics the refined, artisanal quality of custom etched glass, without all the hassle and expense. All of our expressions and embellishments are now available in this versatile material, making it easy to turn almost any surface into a memorable, one-of-a-kind piece!
Etched Glass features a premium, long-lasting adhesive that requires a wet application technique. This technique might be new to some of you, so to make it effortless, we have developed Mistick™ Wet Application Solution. It not only applies Etched Glass smoothly and flawlessly, but it is also great for applying any standard vinyl expression to a non-porous surface.
Seven New Accessories
If you’re looking for the latest trends and ideas, look no further than our one-stop-shop accessories section! We’ve added seven new accessories, each one designed to inspire creativity and provide the perfect finish to any project! From a 12” x 12” MDF Board to a beautifully decorated easel, the new additions are so versatile, chic, and easy-to-use that you are sure to love them.
Fresh Colors
The hottest colors in design this year are also the newest colors in the Idea Catalog: Green Tea, Shoreline Blue, and Antique Bronze. You’ll be seeing these shades in everything from fabric to furniture, so we are excited to add them to our color selection. We’ve also added a new color, Black Patent, to our Premium Bond line.

New Professional Section
We have a fantastic new option to expand customer base—our Professional section! It features expressions and embellishments designed specifically for hair and nail salons, classrooms and daycares, and retail environments. Check out this section on page 114 of the new Idea Catalog.

Easier Application for Two-Part Expressions

Two-Part Expressions are a big part of the Idea Catalog, and now they are even easier to apply! Each Two-Part Expression you order now comes with a set of registration marks as part of each design. First introduced on our Hostess Gift Expressions, these diamond-shaped marks act as a guide and ensure an easier and more successful application.

I will be posting lots of pictures to come, but to give you a preview, here is my favorite from the catalog so far. :)

I guess I should mention that the catalogs are not here yet. I have one. They sent a preview catalog to me. In the meantime while I'm waiting for the shipment to get here (I ordered 24 of them!), feel free to log on to my website (link is available on the sidebar or by clicking here).

Happy shopping!!

More Captivating

2009-01-06T14:17:00.000-08:00

I'm still reading and still learning and still seeking God's wisdom and guidance. It has been an amazing journey... one that I hope this blog will allow to be a journal of honesty and just sharing my heart.

So this part jumped out at me and screamed "This is YOU!!!"

Most women define themselves in terms of their relationships, and the quality they deem those relationships to have . I am a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend. Or, I am alone. I'm not seeing anyone right now, or my children aren't calling, or my friends seem distant. This is not a weakness in women - it is a glory. A glory that reflects the heart of God.

The vast desire and capacity a woman has for intimate relationships tells us of God's vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships. In fact, this may be the most important thing we ever learn about God - that he yearns for relationship with us. "Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God" (John 17:3). The whole story of the Bible is a love story between God and his people. He yearns for us. He cares. He has a tender heart.

Wow... who would've thought that my God would yearn for me? I mean, I work so hard to define myself and make myself feel important or make other people understand my importance or worth, when all I really need to understand is that God cares for me. He yearns for me. This sinner saved by grace. This less than perfect, way too busy, self-consumed, control freak... He adores me. It's one of those moments where you stand with your hands on your hips and stare straight ahead, slight grin & say... "Huh... wonder why I didn't think of that before?" or "Duh!"

I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart. (Jer. 24:7)

What a comfort to know that this universe we live in is relational at its core, that our God is a tenderhearted God who yearns for relationship with us. If you have any doubt about that, simply look at the message he sent us in Woman. Amazing. Not onliy does God long for us, but he longs ot be loved by us. Oh how we've missed this. How many of you see God as longing to be loved by you? We see him as strong and powerful, but not as needing us, vulnerable to us, yearning to be desired.

Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge

Captivating in 2009

2009-01-02T20:06:00.000-08:00

**UPDATE**
I have prayed about this and come to a realization that I am seeking my worth in the wrong place. I have realized (not so much just now, but more reminded myself) that my worth should not come from my fellow Christians (although it is imperative to have encouragement of the saints to continue to truly fellowship with one another in Christian love), and my worth should not come from how much I do in the church to make myself feel important (because we all know I do too much)... but instead should come from God.
I believe my purpose in this is to draw an awareness to how important it is that we are encouraging one another, no matter what our current walk of life - single, married, pregnant/adopting, raising young children, raising teenagers (Lord bless you), divorced, widowed, caretaker for a parent, etc... there are so many of us that need encouragement and we need to be more in tune with one another and I think we are so wrapped up in our busy schedules that we don't see the needs of the people right here in our church, much less the people who are aching to be in the fellowship of a body of believers or in the midst of a group of people who believe in anything concrete.
Bear with me as these things continue to come to mind I continue to draw nearer to God... I am constantly reminded of how much I need him more than human relationships... sometimes, I just need to be shaken by the shoulders. :)
************************************************************************************
What does it mean to be a woman? Much more, a woman of God? What is the heart of a woman? Do we even know?

These things have been ringing in my head over the past few weeks... months... years. I guess I'm really trying to find a foothold... something to hold on to and stand upon. A cornerstone to build upon. I feel unseen, unsought and uncertain... and as I have read in the book "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge, I'm not the only woman who has felt this way...

I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, no disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.
After all, if we were better women - whatever that means - life wouldn't be so hard. Right? We wouldn't have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts. Why is it so hard to create meaningful friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, filled not with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought - that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain -uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.
Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us - whether from a driven culture or a driven church - is try harder.

It is difficult for me to be a single woman in a church our size with no real singles ministry. And I don't really need so much a Singles Sunday School class to go to or a Singles Bible Study or a group of singles to associate with, but a sense of belonging. A sense of being just as important and having just as much value as every other person in the church whether married or single or a college student or a widow or a divorcee...what have you. Why can't we all be treated the same? Why is it so difficult for a group of married couples to minister to a single woman? Is it a fear of having that single person feel like an odd number? Is it the odd number at the restaurant? (Because believe me, I've heard my share of excuses - "it's harder to get a table at a restaurant with an odd number of people...") Or is there an actual fear in our Christian groups that a single person may possibly be a threat? I don't know... I'm single. I don't know what runs through the minds of married people. I do know that I pray that once I'm married, if I ever get married, Lord willing, that I will be very intentional about ministering to single people in our church. I think it is so sad to think of someone spending the holidays alone... especially someone who has no family in this area. I guess I wonder if we are being intentional about our outreach ... not only to singles, but to everyone, no matter who, no matter where they're from, no matter what they do, how much money they make, how old their children are, what walk of life they are currently walking, whatever the case may be... we are all fellow Christians, seeking fellowship with other Christians. How can we not be in outreach mode at all times???

What's really sad about all of this is that I have actually considered moving out of town to find people that are willing to minister to singles. Whether it be a larger group of singles or just people who are new and I don't have a history with. Sometimes starting fresh is best. There is a quote that I read recently that says "Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin

I'm really discouraged and saddened by this, but I'm seeking God's guidance in all of this. I have no idea where He will lead me through all of this, but I know wherever it is, His will is my will. I know that I have made a clear decision to remain in quiet perception of things around me right now and to not be involved in whatever petty banter the devil is trying to have me involved in. The wisest thing for me to do at this point is to guard my heart... after all, Scriptures tell us that the heart is central... "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

This may be all over the place right now, but it is my heart... what I am willing to share right now. Pray for me and understand that I am putting a broken pitcher back together. The pieces are all jumbled and sharp and cold and need to be positioned just so before it can be whole again. Bear with me as I seek the Lord's will and clarity in this situation.

Thank you for your prayers!

Hello!!

2008-10-30T18:39:00.000-07:00

I'm starting this blog to help maintain Uppercase Living creativity...
As I sell items, I will post pictures on this blog.

Enjoy!!